Summit Summary

Now that I've had the time to muse over what I learned:

1) Obey
2) Pray . Read . Go
3) Get out of debt

Still praying for the job with GOD TV. My goodness, it would be awesome working there, and taking care of #3 of what God put on my heart would take at most two years (one if I'm super ambitious!)

Oh how He loves us...

I love and hate the times in my life when the rug is pulled up under me and I've found out what I've really been relying on. Is it money that I rely on, or the good relationships that I have, or the gifts and talents that I have that I base all of my security on? It's until these things are stripped away that I realize my dependence on them. It's after these things are stripped away that I slowly remember that my security is in Christ and my life is hid in Him.

I love everything from Him. I love how He puts on my heart the people I need to be intercedeing for. I love every trial, tribulation, and diverse temptation because not only does it make me more like Him, but it makes me look forward to the day when all of this will pass and everything will be as it is supposed to be.

All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has ever read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before." - C.S. Lewis

Perfect Peace

In this transition time between the end of the holidays and my upcoming 24th birthday, I am honestly very tired and more stressed than I have been in a long time.

January 5th is the start of me working 60+ hours a week. I'll be registering an LLC tomorrow (or, rather, later on today). I'll also continue studying for the GMAT so that I can start my MBA program in the summer. That's on top of the Summit being around the corner, being involved in home group and discipling, and spending time w/ the Crew.

Needless to say, my first reaction to all of this change is to think about it, then strategize about how I'm going to get it done. What a hot mess I've been lately!

As my life is changing, my perceived need that I have for God is increasing. Recently, I heard a speaker say that we live without the things we can live without. It's funny how I don't realize my dependence on God until I am absolutely stripped. As my strength and energy decrease, my "need" for God increases. The way my life is heading toward will definitely get me more and more out of a Martha mindset and into a Mary lifestyle.

My heart will doubtless hold fast to these verses as I begin 2009: Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD forever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

I love my Abba

=)

Change, Change, Change

It's so funny how life can change so quickly. God's timing is so perfect.

Ecc. 3:11 - He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

I've been in a season of "waiting" for almost two years now, that is, waiting for God to show me what my "calling" in life is. Abba, what will I be when I grow up?

I still don't know =)

After I graduated from college, I was completely led to be an ESL teacher for almost a year and a half. At the end of my ESL teaching days, I had 2 visible paths that I could walk down as I prepared to go to grad school: getting my teaching certificate or getting my MBA. Two months of unemployment transitioned me into substitute teaching, letting me know real quick that teaching as a profession was not for me.

But getting my MBA? C'mon... I'm an idealist. I hate business and money.

But I'm a Teacher-Idealist... I've got that entrepreneurial spirit in me =)

BUT in the midst of that, this past month has lead me to establish my own business. In watching my parents struggle with buisness ownership all of my life, I never, ever, ever thought that this would be something that I would be doing as well.

Doors just keep on flying opening. This is what God put together for me:

1. Finding a consistent source of work through 2 great friends from college
2. 2 mentors who have been established in the field and want to help me out
3. 3 people who will do design work for me
4. 4 websites to build my portfolio
5. Getting my 2nd paid job!
6. Discovering an AWESOME consultant!
7. Hooking up with 2 organizations to do album art
8. Being blessed in borrowing a 19 inch monitor to hopefully help with my headaches

I'm scared! As used to change as I am, it's still unpleasant. Who woulda thought?!?

I belong

Today, I've been seeking only the Lord for a lot of answers. One of the answers that He has given me, one of the many, started before I even knew I had the question. As Tim spoke on Joy this Sunday, and as the Lord confirmed over and over to me this past two weeks that He delights in me, the answer that God finished giving to me today is that: I belong.


I belong: to the Lord, and not to myself.

I belong: to the man set aside to be my husband.

I belong: to my family, to my father Andy, to my mother Anita, and to my sister Roxy.

I belong: to my shepherds, to my mother in the Lord Lori Wetmore, to my father in the Lord Jim Lee, to my grandfather in the Lord Jeff Adams, and to our high school pastor Kent Liles.

I belong: to the women I do battle with: to Amber, and to Rachael, and to Ariel.

I belong: to my disciples, to Laura and to Brooke.

I belong: to the young women in my home group, to Lauren, and Alex, and Bailey, and Elaine, and Kelsey, and Makenzey, and Shelby, and Paige, and Yanira.

I belong: to my crew: to Jamie, and Jacinda, and Lisa, and Toy, and Leo, and Victor, and Damiyahn, and Joel.

I belong: to the people of my church, to Kelly Lee, and Mary Roberts, and Robin Long, and Idalia, and the Sidebottoms, and Diego, and Mina, and Myika, and Alana, and Melenia, and Tylena, and Ché, and Talon, and Emilie, and Arianna, and Travis, and Amy, and Kristie, and Kylie, and Stacy, and Monica, and Janet...

I belong: to two very special children: to Robyn and to my godson.

I belong: to the two women who brought me through college: to Kt and to Tara.


Rom 14:7-8 - For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's.

It is a great, great, great blessing from the LORD to belong to so many people.

Greatest Fear

In going through Captivating with a friend, I was forced to ask myself what my greatest fear is. The book explains that for women, the greatest fear is abandonment. I really don't fear that as my "greatest fear." I then have been asking since yesterday what my greatest fear is. I had an idea, and I asked God to continue to give me confirmation that this was true. In less than 48 hours, He's confirmed it in 3 different ways. I've found out that my greatest fear is to be wrong. Wow - and just now typing it out knowing the cyber world can access it was really tough.

Praise God for answered prayer. Praise God as He continues to show me that only He is the protection for my heart. Please God, show me how to overcome my greatest fear.

1John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

I love You Papa.

I've found my Prince!

I've found my Prince! I have a someone. My heart kept singing and my Prince found me. My Prince brought a love song back to me. He knew me, once upon a dream. He pursued me. So this - this is love. My life is divine, and the key to all of heaven is mine. My heart has wings. My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise. --Psalm 57:7

As we are going through the guided journal of Captivating, we're supposed to watch some of the movies we loved as a child over again.




I wonder
I wonder
I wonder why each little bird
Has a someone
To sing to
Sweet things to
A gay little lark melody?
I wonder
I wonder
If my heart keeps singing
Will my song go winging
To someone
Who'll find me
And bring back a love song to me?



So this is love
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
So this is love

Acts 5:31 - Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Savior, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.

Mercy

But as for me,
I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy:
and in thy fear will I worship toward the holy temple.
--Psalm 5:7

At the beginning of last week in the span of two days, I started and finished a book called The Heavenly Man. It is an autobiography on Liu Zhenying, or more commonly known as "Brother Yun," one of the leaders of the house church networks in China. It's a book that I have to read again so I can study it more in depth, but here is an excerpt from the book from one of the times when Brother Yun was in prison for the Gospel:

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The next morning the guards opened the cell door and took us out into the yard. There was a thick layer of snow on the ground. They released the handcuffs from my four brothers. They told them, "You must clear all the snow in the yard. But this crazy 'heavenly man' will not have his handcuffs removed. Last night he created an uproar and kept us awake with his singing and drumming."

The chief guard waved his electric baton in front of my face and said, "Now is the time for you to wake up!" He ordered me to kneel down before him. I loudly protested, "I will not kneel down before you. I will only kneel down before my God!"

He arrogantly stated, "I am your Lord! I am your God! If you kneel down before me I can release you immediately."

I spoke angrily to him, "In the name of Jesus, you are not my God! You are just an earthly officer. My Lord is in heaven. I am a heavenly man."

He turned on the power switch on his baton and snarled, "If you are a heavenly man then you won't be afraid of this electric baton. Come! Use your hand and take hold of it!"

Several guards grabbed my arms and forced me to stretch out my hand. In an instant I was stung with hundreds of volts of electric current, like the sting of a scorpion or as if a thousand arrows had pierced my heart. Feeling I was about to pass out, I cried out, "Lord, have mercy on me!"

Immediately the electric baton malfunctioned! They couldn't get it to work!

I opened my eyes and stared at the guard who'd dared to call himself "God." He was terrified. Despite the temperature, he was sweating! He turned and ran away as fast as he could!"

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Knowing that "mercy" is not getting what we deserve from God, I was wondering why Brother Yun would say something like "Lord, have mercy on me!" while he was suffering for his faith. It doesn't seem to make sense, because it's not like Brother Yun deserved any of the anguish that the prison guard was inflicting upon him. Why would Brother Yun ask for mercy for something that he obviously did not deserve? Why not just ask from help from the Lord? Why mercy?

Later in the book, Brother Yun quotes Matthew 10:28:

And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

I know that the eternal part of me, my soul, cannot be destroyed in hell. I know that the worst that anyone can do to me is to the parts of me that are temporal, like my body, like my pride. Then why Brother Yun asked for mercy and not for help began to make sense. I know that I deserve hell for the ways that I have sinned and will continue to sin against the Most High God. That even if something were to begin to destroy my body here on earth, I would deserve it as much as I would deserve it in hell. God's mercy is every bit as applicable from saving me from suffering on earth as it already has saved me from suffering in hell.

Wow...

And this is life eternal,
that they might know thee the only true God,
and Jesus Christ,
whom thou has sent.
-- John 17:3

Eternal life began for me the day that I got saved in my dorm room at Hong Kong Baptist University. The day my eternal life began is the day that I became dead to sin. To renounce my life, even to the extent of the physicality of it, should have happened the day that I gained life in Christ. Slowly, yet surely, God continues to give me the grace and mercy to trust Him, and in turn to truly not fear what man can do unto me.

Therefore Will He Be Exalted...

And therefore will the LORD wait,
that he may be gracious unto you,
and therefore will he be exalted,
that he may have mercy upon you:
for the LORD is a God of judgement:
blessed are all they that wait for him.
Isaiah 30:18

Recently I fell into my circumstances and asked God if He would let me leave the field that He placed me in. I asked Amber to help me pray for a billboard and I got two. The first day was in Isaiah 20 and the second day was in Isaiah 30. It's so easy to fall into walking in the flesh, but God is faithful.

In the moment
of my weakness
You give me grace
to do Your will...
-- None but Jesus (Brooke Fraiser)

I never really understood until I went through this all of last week that God gets EXALTED when He gives us mercy and gives us grace. God is EXALTED when we, as probably one of the most difficult things to do, wait for Him.

Prayer

Three things that I will start to pray for every morning when I wake up:

1. LORD, that You will have Your way in me today
2. LORD, that others will be blessed by me today
3. LORD, that I would receive the wisdom You've instructed me to ask for today (James 1:15)

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. (Matthew 22:37-40)

I'm also trusting God to stir up people in my life dedicated to regularly praying for the lost, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY the stirring up of my own heart. There are only two things on earth that will last into eternity, God's Word and the souls that He's created. Let God stir in our hearts that the harvest that is plentiful is a field that will only exist on earth.